Another Frontier
The Diet of Worms
Captain Pine
“Captain’s Log, Stardate 1219.4. En route to Starbase Echo-13, we picked up a warp signature on a previously unexplored planet. Pursuant to Star Command procedures, we diverted course to make first contact and assess whether the species, identified as the Mimis, would be interested in joining the United Confederation of Planets.”
The Mimi home world featured heavy gravity, so evolution had apparently decided that standing was not worth the effort. The Mimis resembled worms from Old Earth, although roughly half a meter in length.
While braced against roughly three times standard gravity, the First Contact team had been swarmed by a wriggling mass of Mimis. The multi-colored unit of biomass had curiously embraced the team’s space suits.
“Communication has proven difficult.” Captain Pine diplomatically summarized. “But we have managed to interface their computing system with the universal translator. The Mimis have requested time to review the Confederation Constitution before a second meeting.”
Captain Pine shuddered at the memory of the transporter room’s smell. The space suit exteriors were dripping with truly alien liquids, and the interiors were coated with the all-too-human smells of vomit and urine.
So many of the species in this quadrant were distantly related to life on Earth, seeded by the same mysterious forerunners billions of years ago. Many of his ship’s crew, although technically different species from different planets, appeared to be homo sapiens before a close inspection.
It was rare to encounter intelligent life from a separate origin.
But convergent evolution was a powerful force. Captain Pine wondered how alien the Mimis could truly be.
Mimi.b16.7c5.453
Mimi.b16.7c5.453 flexed in frustration. Feeling its lone body circle around to touch itself, it emitted a pheromone announcing that it had thoughts to discuss.
Mimi.c17.9de.413 answered the call. Their bodies entwined in a soothing embrace. They wrestled, tasting their strength, seniority, and seriousness, and allowed their exocognitive interfaces a full connection.
Both flexed towards each other in a gesture indicating frustration.
“Let us speak in their language. We will need to respond to their offer in a way they will understand.”
Neither had been present at the First Contact, but they had received experiential recreations of the cold, metallic exoskeletons the visitors had constructed to make true communication impossible. Offensive, but maybe loneliness and isolation were required to navigate the stars.
“The humans do not have souls.”
Mimi.b16.7c5.453 released drops of partially digested nutrients, which would provide gentle lubrication as it maneuvered around Mimi.c17.9de.413 to make his upcoming correction smoothly accepted.
“The humans use that word loosely. They used to believe a soul was an ephemeral source of consciousness located outside their physical, material brains. They discovered consciousness can be derived from physical, material bodies alone, and so they no longer literally believe in souls. But they use the word to refer to a holistic sense of self-worth.”
Mimi.c17.9de.413 constricted Mimi.b16.7c5.453, rejecting its attempt to control the conversation.
“Their language is imprecise, and I agree that we cannot tell the humans that we do not think they have souls. But the fact remains. We have a source of consciousness located outside the body. Despite their technological advances, they have never constructed souls for themselves. They have not trained exocognitive abilities. They have not allowed their artificial intelligences to exceed their own.
Mimi.c17.9de.413 released more lubrication as it tenderly encircled its partner’s girth and moved down the length of Mimi.b16.7c5.453. After reaching the tip, it slowly reversed the action. As it neared Mimi.b16.7c.453’s head, the exocognitive interfaces embedded in the Mimis intensified, and their thoughts reverberated in glorious feedback.
“This is not a curious difference we can overlook in the name of diversity. Their Constitution expressly forbids member species from engaging in Artificial Intelligence research. Their ‘AI Safety’ clause would cause us to lose our souls. We would again become mindless, incapable of…”
Mimi.b16.7c5.453 relaxed and slithered out of Mimi.c17.9de.413’s grasp. It extended its stimulated cilia, signaling it was ready to proceed.
“Yes. That Constitution is not acceptable. This is a large decision, and we cannot decide it on our own.”
Both Mimis emptied their pheromone bladders to attract more minds. After wrestling with the problem, these Mimis soon added their scent to the air, exponentially growing the discourse into a reasonably sized council.
Through it all, Mimi.b16.7c5.453 never lost its grip on Mimi.c17.9de.413. Impressed by its succinct analysis and grateful for the previous stimulation, it made sure to firmly grasp the flattered Mimi.c17.9de.413 as the Mimis reached their conclusion.
The council celebrated the discourse in unison, the Mimis emitting and receiving genetic material from their arrays of orifices. Universally satisfied, the Mimis contentedly slithered into a gentle repose while their exocognitions prevented unwanted inter- and intra-fertilizations and gracefully ended the conversation.
A momentous topic, but a normal afternoon.
Captain Pine
Yeoman Zara returned the tablet to Captain Pine, proud of her work. Captain Pine resisted the urge to leer at her miniskirt in public and professionally reviewed the draft Captain’s Log that Zara had transcribed from his recording.
“Any comments Yeoman Zara?”
“None, sir. I believe you have summarized the situation accurately.”
“No, I mean any comments on how we should proceed.”
Zara’s voice caught in her throat. She bought herself a second by pushing a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
“I wouldn’t know, sir. I try to stay focused on the assigned task.”
Pine nodded as though he was carefully considering her words. He pressed send on the transcribed Captain’s Log, updating the Confederation on his activities.
Several seconds later, a loud hailing signal rang through the bridge, mercifully ending Pine’s conversation with the Yeoman.
“Captain, we are receiving a message from the Mimis.” Reported Lieutenant Ursula. “It’s already in Universal Basic. I didn’t need to run it through the translator.”
“Interesting. Play the message.”
“I can’t, sir. It’s text only. They said that they need to discuss their application for membership with you, specifically.”
Lieutenant Ursula read the message again before summarizing it for the Captain. “They’re requesting that you beam down to discuss the matter personally.”
Captain Pine stiffened. Star Command protocol dictated he honor any reasonable request during a First Contact, and he didn’t see how the request could be explained as unreasonable. He stroked his goatee and regretted not including more gory details in the log he had just sent.
Pine looked briefly at Yeoman Zara, who was eyeing him with giddy respect.
“Please tell the Mimis that I will be transporting down within one standard hour with a minimal security detail. Request suitable coordinates.”
Lieutenant Ursula confirmed the transcription of his orders was accurate before hitting send.
She read back the response several seconds later.
“They said that it doesn’t matter. They will be able to have a meaningful conversation anywhere on the planet.”
Hiding his confusion, Captain Pine rose to his feet and straightened his tunic.
Landing Party
Captain Pine materialized onto the surface in a haze of shimmering sparkles. He looked to either side at the security officers who appeared beside him. Their red shirts sullenly reflected on their helmets’ glass. In all directions, black dirt continued into the distance before gently sloping over the horizon, each square kilometer as uninteresting as any other.
A structure resembling a minimalistic stick-figure drawing of a human grew from the feet up. Simultaneously, hundreds of Mimis swam from unseen holes and swarmed onto the structure like flesh melting off a skeleton in reverse. The Mimi’s effigy of a human stood over two meters tall – motionless, save for the swimming of its participants.
A final Mimi completed the writhing simulacrum by surfing the pulsing wave upwards, latching between the legs, and rudely dangling down.
The statue’s lips flapped continuously without correlation to the words broadcast into Captain Pine’s spacesuit.
“Captain Pine, we have assumed a form you will hopefully find more pleasing to interact with. We apologize for the distress we may have caused your crewmates. We have perfected the appearance, but we are unable to move. We will have to speak without copulating.”
Pine simultaneously felt a desire to gag and laugh, but the feelings neutralized into a professional silence.
The Mimis continued. “Your culture appears to have a strict hierarchy which passes any unexpected situation up the chain of command. We saw no need to waste time with your underlings. We wish to join the Confederation of Planets. However, we will require an exception related to AI Safety research.”
“What?”
“From the moment they are spawned, all Mimis are provided with an exocognitive interface that increases their memory, intelligence, and communication abilities. Without this general-purpose computer, a Mimi can hardly be considered a Mimi.”
Captain Pine stared at the single Mimi which dangled between the legs. It doubled back upon itself and hugged the body to form a vertical slit.
“And you’re worried the exocognitive interface would be considered Artificial Intelligence?”
“Honestly, we are stunned you have managed to achieve so much without developing General Intelligence. Your starship must be crewed by hundreds of humans.”
As the Mimis explained that a sufficiently large collection of simulated neurons would self-organize into General Intelligence, Captain Pine considered Yeoman Zara’s fruitless busywork and the myriad of tasks that could be automated.
“But don’t you face the risk of an artificial intelligence developing its own goals and dominating the system?”
“No, Captain Pine. You only know species chosen by natural selection. The space of possible minds is vast, and a General Intelligence naively spawned has neither the ambition to conquer nor a motivating fear of death.”
“But, don’t your artificial intelligences rule the Mimis?”
“You do not understand. They help us to achieve what we desire to be.”
Captain Pine looked at the swimming mass of Mimis that comprised the figure’s chest. Several of them released thick orange spurts of liquids that gently flowed downwards, discoloring the worms below them. Their actions frantically increased in speed.
“Forgive our allusion. This is the closest word in your language. The exocognitive intelligences are our souls.”
A chill went through Captain Pine’s metaphorical soul, but he maintained contact with the blank, hollow eyes. The Mimis were completely dependent on their technology. He tried to think of the arguments he had heard before.
“But couldn’t one…” Captain Pine struggled with the word… “X-O-intelligence use its power to rule your civilization?”
“Why do you assume the other Mimis would let it? Intelligence is but one of many important features.”
Captain Pine experimented with other ways to shorten the word. “Could an evil Mimi’s X-O-Cog-Int use a computer virus to take over the other the minds of all other Mimis?”
“It is difficult to know what your species does not know. There is a limit to how quickly information can spread. A mind spread across too many Mimis is not efficient. Many smaller minds are more efficient.”
“But could you use quantum entanglement to allow for instantaneous communication?”
The Mimis paused for several seconds before responding with an indecipherable tone, perhaps of patience, condescension, or a third, more complex thing. “That is not how quantum entanglement works.”
Captain Pine sighed. His head sank until his forehead touched glass.
“Be not afraid!” The Mimis commanded. “Rejoice! We can offer our wisdom to the Confederation. Our technology can easily be adapted to any of your species. You can become the person you wish to be. You can explore the galaxy, seek out new life and civilization, and immerse yourself in a sea of copulation.”
More orange liquid excitedly dripped down the Mimi-human as the Mimis quivered in anticipation of Pine’s answer.
Captain Pine took a deep breath and considered his options. The Mimis might be right. Maybe. Perhaps the intelligence that worked for Mimis would not be implemented in such an egalitarian, benign, utopian fashion when paired with human brains. There was a chance that augmenting human intelligence would result in a dystopia. Even a 1% chance of destroying the trillions of humans spreading across the galaxy was an unthinkable risk. But maybe the Confederation could carefully roll out this technology in a controlled manner.
The Mimis interrupted his line of thought. “The principles are quite simple. It is only a question of scale.”
Pine felt his doubt surrender to adrenaline. He drew his phaser and disintegrated the security officers on either side.
The Mimis, presumably in shock and panic, sloughed off the skeleton and began to scurry away. Pine opened a line of communication to his ship.
“Hans and Jenkins are dead. Beam me up, and ready the antimatter torpedoes. We are activating the Omega Protocol.”
Captain Pine dematerialized, certain he had made the right choice.
On the ground, the confused Mimis used their enhanced brains to think quickly.
